Oct
29
Sex & Bicycles
Filed Under Humour
On Sex & Bicycles
Have you ever gone so long without sex that you started wondering if anything has changed?
It’s probably just me, but after eight years, (nine now btw) I imagine myself finally having the uhhhh…”opportunity”, and because I’ve been out of the sexual loop so long, the whole thing suddenly goes terribly and embarrassingly awry.
Think about it….(but not too hard please)
There I’d be…I think I’m hot….I think everything is going well and my partner suddenly stops me and says, ”Uhmmmmmm…Gee Jules, people don’t really do that anymore….”
I mean GOD!…
I’d be so embarrassed…standing there in my Hamburglar Costume, holding those jumper cables…
People keep telling me that “sex is like riding a bike” and to be perfectly honest with you, aside from all the pedalling and the fact that I am required by law to wear a crash helmet, I just don’t see the connection.
Now, I may have spent most of the eighties drunk out of my gourd,
but remind me please….
Which part of sex is like bicycle riding?
Is it because I’m always falling off?
Is it the hand signals?
Maybe it’s because I keep accidentally jumping the curb and swerving into surprised pedestrians? (Man! you should see the looks on their faces!)
Is it because, if you brake too abruptly, you may get thrown clear?
Perhaps it’s because there are laws against doing it on the sidewalk. Yes, I’m a slow-learner…
Either way, after a certain age, it’s best not to try and ride the handlebars
and I’m still very confused about where to put the reflective tape….
Brad says one thing…Angelina says something else…
I understand people are shaving off their body hair these days. Is that to cut down on wind resistance?
(I understand it takes milliseconds off your time.)
You know, if you are really good at it, they let you compete against people from other countries.
I hear that they will put the best ones on a pedestal and adorn them with medals while an international audience cheers…..
So, I guess if that sex-thing doesn’t work out for me,
I could always take up sports and compete in the Olympics.