Oct
23
You Know It’s Good When…
Filed Under Humour
How do advertisers know that their campaigns are working?
What highly technical, super-secret metrics do they use track your spending and lifestyle habits???
Is it that Points Card you use that tells them you suffer from flaky scalp and athletes foot? How do they know you like corned beef sandwiches at midnight; Which you share with your cat “Hebert” (pronounced eeee-bear) ….The one who knows how to poop in the toilet but does it in your purse ??? (OMG I had a boyfriend like that once!)
Is it the Visa Folks who are selling-out your deep, dark secrets?
…or is it those pug-faced weasel-retards over at Mastercard? (and I mean that in the nicest possible way)
Do you have ANY idea how much money they make from data-mining??
(ya me neither…someone should look into that)
Maybe it’s the security cameras that are measuring your bio-rhythms as you wander trance-like through the aisles of the Superstore…looking for cheap thrills and simple carbohydrates…anything….ANYthing to help you forget the steaming pile of boredom that you just realized is your life…
How do these giant companies know when the millions of dollars they spend on market penetration, is actually working….or uhhhhh….”penetrating”, as it were…
I’ll tell you how….
A newly deaf woman (one we both know) stood tonight in the detergent aisle of Walmart singing, what must have been an excruciating rendition of Joe Purdy’s lovely little ditty “Wash Away”…while choosing a dish soap to buy.
We are dead-poor – suffering in many ways actually. The Dawn liquid was a little more expensive than the rest, but there was NO WAY…I was leaving with any other detergent tonight. It wasn’t a question of which detergent I would buy, it was which DAWN detergent would I buy?
I narrowed the field based on scent and cuteness of the baby wildlife featured on the bottle. I went home with the Original scent/baby penguin on the bottle….awwwwwwwwww…(if the purple one had had the little otter on the bottle…well…I’m just sayin….there would have been a scene)
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Anyway…THAT’S how you know that an ad campaign is successful…
That ultimately….some dirt poor broad….who can’t even hear….spent half an hour singing your song in Walmart…
That — as soon as I turned into the aisle, I couldn’t think of any other brand or conjure up a commercial for any other brand….I mean seriously…WHAT other brands? I was looking at them tonight and couldn’t come up with a name of another dish soap if those names were printed on my drivers license or the side of the pretty plastic bottles…
That’s the ultimate goal…
the Ho Ho Ho Green Giant Effect…or Plop Plop Fizz Fizz….once it grabs ya…it’s won….
One soul at a time, you Dark Prince you….
I don’t even resent it this time!
I surrender…
Ravage me you advertising demon…
Have your way with me…
You win.
I just love that adorable otter, with his little hands gripping the side of the tub….
I’ve got troubles oh but not today…
they’re gonna wash away…
they’re gonna wash away….
quack!