Oct
29
Sex & Bicycles
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On Sex & Bicycles
Have you ever gone so long without sex that you started wondering if anything has changed?
It’s probably just me, but after eight years, (nine now btw) I imagine myself finally having the uhhhh…”opportunity”, and because I’ve been out of the sexual loop so long, the whole thing suddenly goes terribly and embarrassingly [...]
Oct
27
Take Two Meat and Call Me In the Morning
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This is a re-write on the column from Feb 1st…
I am a woman on the edge.
I smoke a pack a day between 9:00pm and 9:17pm.
I think Animal Crackers are a main course and I run with scissors every chance I get.
My pet peeves are salad and longevity.
Oct
23
You Know It’s Good When…
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How do advertisers know that their campaigns are working?
What highly technical, super-secret metrics do they use track your spending and lifestyle habits???
Is it that Points Card you use that tells them you suffer from flaky scalp and athletes foot? How do they know you like corned beef sandwiches at midnight; Which you share with your [...]
Oct
21
The Word You’re Looking for is “DOUCHEY”
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Oh Johnny Honey….Johnny Depp…..you beautiful bastard.
Please forgive me for what I am about to say. You KNOW how much I love you….
But Matt Damon may actually be the greatest actor of my generation….of OUR generation.
No…..shhhhhhhh……it’s OK Johnny…shhhhhhhh….it’s OK……OK-baby….it’ll be fine.
You are still OH sooooooo talented….and cooooooool
I’ve always liked Matt Damon but – as Pitt and [...]
Oct
12
Mmmmm – Turkey and Aspersions
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Yes…it’s Thanksgiving….
that special day when families gather around the table to thank god for the other 364 days of the year when they can pretend they were orphaned years ago.
I love turkey. I also love mashed potatoes and stuffing …and corn niblets ….and gravy….I am also quite a fan of lemon meringue pie.
But I don’t [...]