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   Fozzy Bear – Fugitive
Robbed of an Oscar for his role in the 1979 hit “The Muppet Movie” this beloved funnyman left show business in the early 80’s and turned to a life of crime. Paroled after 6 years in prison for drug and weapons offenses, Fozzy once again ran afoul of the law when [...]

 

 
 
I am watching The Hills for the first time…
“This program deals with mature subject matter…”
Uhmmmm……really?
Are you sure about that?

 
 
Wait…how do you spell “sayanara”?
Ahhhh…who cares?
I can’t be bothered to spell anymore….or conjugate or *sigh* ….
Like my will to live, my will to blog has drained from my body and pooled itself in the crannies of the floor mats in my car…
It’s hell on the cuffs….I’ve lost more pants that way…
I am abandoning my long-abandoned [...]

My new online portfolio is located at http://julescarlyslephoto.wordpress.com

A present for my Twitter friend @Koursey

10 Things Your Dog Would Never Do… 
1.    Tell you your ass looks fat in those jeans
2.    Ask you to wear a dog collar and call him “master”
3.    Rent a video camera and ask you to tape yourself scratching his tummy
4.    Leave you for a younger, prettier owner
5.    Fart and blame it on your husband 

But [...]

Wow, Harper does a great job in this sketch….why…he seems so life-like…almost HEW-MON…HU-mon…Heman…HUMAN…yes, that’s it…Harper seems nearly human here…

Ahhhh, one of our all time favourites. CBC’s Rick Mercer, think of him as our Jon Stewart, visits PM Martin at 24 Sussex…think of it as our White House…and …well, watch it and see. One of the things I love about my country…..you would never see a US president doing this. (hee hee)

The Daves I Know – Kids In The Hall

xklzx | MySpace Video

No doubt a response to Bill O’Reilly (and others) contention that once gay marriage is legalized…then people will start having sex with ducks…I don’t make this shit up people, honest to god

Andy Kaufman performs Mighty Mouse – watch more funny videos

I’m pretty sure that I don’t like The Office….although, if it’s on…I am compelled by some unknown force to watch it. It hurts…it’s upsetting…I get a littly dizzy and I usually throw-up a little…but I can’t help myself. I keep on watching…
BTW, the whole Jim & Pam storyline was handled beautifully, brilliantly….just the best ever [...]

I used to think that the only woman I would change teams for was Angelina Jolie (and *sigh* if I had to do Brad too…well, that’s a cross I’m willing to bear)
But, after watching this, I’m pretty turned on by Rachel Maddow *LOL*
I’m just sayin’ smart is good….very, very good.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking [...]

I don’t know exactly what has happened to me lately..but I just LOVE the Muppets and love posting these clips…please to enjoy…

A beee–aa–uuuuu—tiful video on Youtube about my personal hero, Jim Henson…If nothing else, watch the first part…It’s just so worth it!

 
click thumbnail

Here’s a solution! While I am sullen and miserable…let’s laugh at stuff other people write. This is a cute piece. I didn’t wet myself or anything but, I liked it.
http://badnewsfromouterspace.blogspot.com/2010/01/pope-as-movie-reviewer.html
Please scroll down to some of the old pieces here and remember that I used to be pretty f’in hilarious…

This is a wonderfully funny speech by Carrie Fisher at George Lucas’s AFI Salute. Please..to enjoy…

I’m having trouble writing right now because I’m really depressed and struggling…This is my way of keeping you engaged until I find myself again.

I saw this last year at the gym and bonded with a fellow eliptical rider when we were both laughing so hard that neither of us could keep exercising…and just listen to him too…”I danced my ass off!”…it’s frickin adorable! I must admit, I don’t actually weep when I see it now…but the first time [...]

Did anybody else notice that she said “size 10″…today in the size 0 = world, that would be considered fat. Not relevant, just an observation.

Words are powerful tools…
Words can, quite literally, change the world.
Well chosen words can inspire the masses,
Topple empires …..
and make women swoon.
That’s right -
SWOON.
Note the phrase – “well chosen”  here…it’s important to make the distinction.

An instant classic. My appreciation to CNN’s Jack Gray for the Tweet! You know, the first Twitter message I sent out was that I wished I could hire Morgan Freeman to follow me around and narrate my life…Now I realize that Christopher Walkin would probably be PERFECT for the job…could you imagine?

On Sex & Bicycles
 
 
 
Have you ever gone so long without sex that you started wondering if anything has changed?
It’s probably just me, but after eight years, (nine now btw) I imagine myself finally having the uhhhh…”opportunity”, and because I’ve been out of the sexual loop so long, the whole thing suddenly goes terribly and embarrassingly [...]

This is a re-write on the column from Feb 1st…
 
I am a woman on the edge.
I smoke a pack a day between 9:00pm and 9:17pm. 
I think Animal Crackers are a main course and I run with scissors every chance I get.  
 My pet peeves are salad and longevity.

How do advertisers know that their campaigns are working?
What highly technical, super-secret metrics do they use track your spending and lifestyle habits???
Is it that Points Card you use that tells them you suffer from flaky scalp and athletes foot? How do they know you like corned beef sandwiches at midnight; Which you share with your [...]

Oh Johnny Honey….Johnny Depp…..you beautiful bastard.  
Please forgive me for what I am about to say.  You KNOW how much I love you….
But Matt Damon may actually be the greatest actor of my generation….of OUR generation.
No…..shhhhhhhh……it’s OK Johnny…shhhhhhhh….it’s OK……OK-baby….it’ll be fine.
You are still OH sooooooo talented….and cooooooool
I’ve always liked Matt Damon but – as Pitt and [...]

Yes…it’s Thanksgiving….
that special day when families gather around the table to thank god for the other 364 days of the year when they can pretend they were orphaned years ago.
I love turkey. I also love mashed potatoes and stuffing …and corn niblets ….and gravy….I am also quite a fan of lemon meringue pie.
But I don’t [...]

A Few Words on Dogs and Husbands a Comedy in Three Acts
ACT ONE
10 Things Your Dog Would Never Do… 

 Ask you to wear a collar and call him “master”
Tell you your butt looks fat in those jeans
Rent a video camera and ask you to tape yourself scratching his tummy
 Leave you for a younger, prettier owner
Fart and [...]

There’s an age old saying (and by “age old” I mean “the 1980’s”) that has graced both cheesy motivational posters and love songs written by Sting.
It goes a little something like this:
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, you didn’t duct tape the
magnets to its head correctly”.

 ’It was a well known saying in Russia “that there is no leisure intercourse in Soviet Russia”, probably it is less known for the rest of the world. It meant that Soviet citizens have made this only for get some kids. But recently it has been known that there was a whole bunch of those [...]

Well too bad baby because you’ve got it girl!  It seems the reason she doesn’t appear on some magazine covers has nothing to do with her penchant for throwing cellphones and things at employees….And it’s certainly not because she has a notoriously bad attitude….It’s because she’s black. Naomi has joined with a number of other [...]

The Census is out and for the first time single people out-number married people in Canada since 1871. Of course, same-sex marriage, the rise in common-law relationships and single-parent households will surely be blamed by less Progressive countries and Moralists for our iminent demise under the weight of our own perversions….clearly evidenced by our excellent public education [...]

  *sigh*…Why are Janet Jacksons nipples  still making headlines? If I knew I could get 3 years worth of international headlines by exposing one of mine…well….let’s just say, I’d be whipping them out every once in awhile. It’d be well worth the fine….for me anyway. There wouldn’t be enough therapy in the world for you however…
Ironically, [...]

This was a fun one. I started the original post in support of the Poppies for Medicine proposal put forth by a UK polling company who surveyed Canadians, who also thought that buying poppy crops from Afghan farmers to make legal medications was a better idea than the current poppy economy which sells them for [...]

OK, this is totally serious… Hailed for limitless talent, Clooney given French cultural honor”…
I love him…I really do. I begrudge the man nothing…He deserves his success and his life…He should do every single 22 yr old model he can get his hands on….But “LIMITLESS” talent? I’m a big fan and I have real trouble with [...]

Just kidding! That was Socrates…but, you can understand my confusion.
Bush has mused in Paul Draper’s new book ‘Dead Certain’ about his legacy and life after the White House. For my part, I’d like to say that any mortal man who has had the privelege of serving as President, but who, in light of what has [...]

   A Canadian study has determined that men are more likely to look at sexual content on the internet …women are proportionately less likely to view porn online or off.
Why exactly did we pay for anyone to conduct this study to begin with??
Next, we should commission a study into whether or not the earth orbits [...]